Let's Talk About BDSM

Introduction to BDSM

There is often a lot of confusion surrounding what BDSM actually is. BDSM stands for bondage/discipline, submission/dominance, and sadism/masochism. Today, we want to talk about some of the basics of BDSM, how to get into BDSM, and hopefully answer some questions surrounding BDSM. 

What is BDSM?: 

Bondage/discipline refers to being physically restrained, and discipline is a set of rules and punishments when the rules are not followed. Submission/dominance refers to when one person is submissive (commonly referred to as a “bottom”) and one person is dominant (commonly referred to as a “top”). Lastly, sadism/masochism refers to the enjoyment of giving and receiving pain (sadism = giving pain, masochism = receiving pain; do you enjoy both? That can be called sadomasochism).  All of these categories cover a wide variety of kinks, practices, and procedures. 

Basic Rules:  

BDSM is more than just having “rough” sex. BDSM can be a lifestyle or a casual hobby, but before participating in any part of BDSM, it is important that you understand some basic rules that ensure safety and pleasure. 

1. Communication is KEY: BDSM is all about open communication and talking about what will happen before it does. Talking about what you are and aren’t willing to do with your partner is so important! Communicating openly and honestly will ensure that you are not in unwanted pain or in an uncomfortable position. 
2. Giving and Getting Consent: Consent is the MOST important part of ANY sexual interaction. BDSM can be intense, so it is important to make sure that you are checking in with your partner throughout and making sure that what was previously discussed is still okay and consensual. 
3. Leave Drugs & Alcohol Out: Drugs and alcohol are not meant to be used when practicing BDSM. If one (or both) parties are intoxicated, it can become a safety risk for everyone. Being under the influence can also impact your ability to give and get consent. 

Getting into BDSM:

Getting into BDSM can be different for every person. A good place to start would be by masturbating and experimenting with yourself. The better you know your body, the better you will be able to communicate your likes, dislikes, and comfortability with specific aspects of BDSM. The culture around BDSM is about knowing yourself. The more you know about yourself, the better you can advocate for yourself and communicate clearly. 

Taking the BDSM test (https://bdsmtest.org/select-mode) is also a good way to introduce you to the terminology used & it will give you a breakdown of what categories you might like within BDSM. 

Next Steps:

Once you feel like you have experimented enough with yourself and you feel comfortable talking to your partner(s) about taking the next steps into BDSM, here are some things that might be good for getting your feet wet. 

1. Spanking: Spanking is one of the most common fantasies, so if you’re interested in getting into BDSM, you might want to look into getting a paddle, flogger, or whip. 
1. Some of our favorite brands: 
1. Touch of Fur 
2. Sex & Mischief
3. Ouch! 
4. Noir
2. Tying Up: Tying someone up can be a great way to get into bondage. Depending on your comfortability, you can start with a scarf, rope, tape, or bed restraints. 
1. Some of our favorite brands:
1. Ouch! 
2. Fetish
3. Sinful
3. Handcuffs, Gags, and Blindfolds: Handcuffs and gags are a great way to restrain your partner (or be restrained by your partner). Like being tied up, these handcuffs and gags can be considered a form of bondage. Blindfolds are great for sensory play (activities intended to impart or deprive physical sensations upon a partner).
1. Some of our favorite brands:
1. Pipe Dream: Fetish Fantasy Series 
2. Scandal 
3. Ouch!
4. N.S. Novelties. 

Photography by: Rachel Britton (@racbripho)